Test of time?

Time is a test of faith and faith is a test of survival. Subconsciously so many of us know this deep deep inside of us, yet we wander away by the little trial and tribulations life brings in front of us. It is a debate i am struggling with myself and my inner self off late. I don't know if doing soul searching is a good thing or not but it almost always puts me in this sort of a dilemma of the present world survival and the future of forgiveness. As much as id like to believe in all what great saints have to say, so often we are faced with such choices in which we have to be selfish and unforgiving. And i guess if we were all forgiving and selfless we wouldn't really be here on earth in the first place, paying tribute to our sins and bearing the fruit of our karma past and present would we?

I want to be forgiving, i want to forget, yet how often are we faced with a question of self respect which somewhat borders on the line of egotism. It is a fine line which we have to draw for ourselves and no one else can say or do anythign about it. I've heard people say overcome a situation/circumstance and do not let the situation overcome you, but get real when you actually face shit in your face would you really care about becoming a change/overcoming or would you rather not first think about what YOU want to do at that very moment (revenge is the first word that comes to my mind). I also have to say I was not always like this, a self proclaimed positivist, who often gets swayed by the negativity around her would be a few words to describe me. I don't think constantly thinking about something and blowing a situation out of proportion is the key to solving any problem, but I have a solution which like me is pretty straight forward, its called say it or talk about it. I often find myself pining for this from others as well, because i can't beat around the bush i expect them not to do so either. But then again ive got caught in the web of expectations haven't i? This is also a form of subtle attachement to people, emotions and beings. But what do we do? Like I said earlier if we were all god we wouldn't really be here on earth in the first place rather be dwelling somewhere in heaven or jannat or whatever they call that place of eternal bliss. free of karmic crap which we have weaved for ourselves. I only seek to find certain answers to everyday questions, questions which come and stand in front of me everyday. I feel like a 4 year old child who wants to know the answer to every damn phenomena in this world. My questions are innocent, but the answers complicated which is why it is taking me so long to figure them out, ponder over them, seek them.
I want to find my eutopia