I've been pondering over this for quite sometime. Its funny how a state of being in drunken/stoned stupor gets your mind thinking and sometimes even leads to making some very profound life changing decisions.
Why were these two words actually invented? So that we continue to justify our own doings against the others? Is it a mode of human defence mechanism, egotism or simply excuses we make when we do not have any answers? How easy is it for us and others to compartmentalize everything into 'right' and 'wrong' based solely on our individual perceptions. The human mind can travel as far as you let it, yet we try and control everything that is contained within and limit ourselves from actually experiencing what it is capable of. Jumping to conclusions based on our own assumptions is far easier than actually viewing everything from a detached perspective. Judging someone is far easier than giving them the benefit of doubt. Its not about values/morals against the right and wrong, because clearly how do you even define those? Everythig is pretty individualistic around us yet we always blind ourselves and continue to bask in our own ignorance pretending and pacifying our egos that we do know the 'best'.
Why is it so difficult for us to separate our reality from the others or even realize there is no such thing as 'REALITY' and everything is indeed what we create in our own mind. If we actually go by this, there is no need to define anything because it all boils down to one thing, which is we make our own definations and live by them.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Cranky,moody,irritable and its not even that day of the month
No its not...I wish i could put my finger on what it is and then retrack every step i took to get here and quickly erase everything so that i dont end up feeling how i am right now.
Its funny how last week went by - romance i devoured myself in, making myself believe at least this would last. Or not?
I hate how i feel right now, i hate everything around me including myself because i am mad at myself for getting here. Mad at myself for being such a child believing in what everyone else said around me, letting it get to me and for a moment believing maybe it could be different.
But its not, its the same story everytime, they run after you, you run away, then you get close and run after them and they run away. I knew everything in that head of mine yet i shut myself to everything and let life take its control over me. This is exactly what happens when you let go, you lose yourself and you do not know to what.
I want my answers and I demand them.
Its funny how last week went by - romance i devoured myself in, making myself believe at least this would last. Or not?
I hate how i feel right now, i hate everything around me including myself because i am mad at myself for getting here. Mad at myself for being such a child believing in what everyone else said around me, letting it get to me and for a moment believing maybe it could be different.
But its not, its the same story everytime, they run after you, you run away, then you get close and run after them and they run away. I knew everything in that head of mine yet i shut myself to everything and let life take its control over me. This is exactly what happens when you let go, you lose yourself and you do not know to what.
I want my answers and I demand them.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Everything does not happen for a reason, we make our own reasons
It feels like a heavy weight has been shifted from your shoulders, when you stop giving and blaming things on destiny and take charge of your own circumstances and life. So far i have just been harping about how fate gives you a chance to create life bla bla but i think it is right now at this very moment when i actually can say, i believe in it. And its a pretty pleasant feeling than having to depend on fate all the time. We were not given a free thinking mind for no reason so when the time comes to make a decision about your very own life you run away casually bury your head in the ground and pray for the right thing or whatever to happen.
The very reason your mind exists is for you to make the right decision or choice. I think i made myself pretty clear. Moving on, yes its an uplifting feeling knowing you are the creator of your own life, you have choices to make and at the end of the day you will feel good knowing you made the decision for yourself. You only crib and cry about something which is not in your hands right? So if you go by this take control for the best possible outcome, you can never actually feel sad about being let down by your circumstances because in your heart of hearts you feel responsible and owe it to the choice you made.
So why am i stating the obvious? Maybe ive had a moment one of those times when you know whats right and yet you do not have anything around you which makes you believe in it. But then something happened, it could be as simple as waking up in the morning and looking outside the window with the sun beaming and suddenly everything makes sense to you. Or it could be someone saying what you already knew but hearing it from them somehow makes more sense at that very moment and your faith in it is restored. Its about being sure and having faith in your own beliefs and thoughts, beliefs which you know exist deep down there but need a little reassuring here and there. The sun the sea the wind blowing in your hair or the chains of smoke you carefully watch swirl around as you breathe out contain such power. The power to make you realize what is inside you and when everything around you makes complete sense for that given moment. You and I have that power. Have a little faith, the universe is looking out for you, to create your own reasons :)
The very reason your mind exists is for you to make the right decision or choice. I think i made myself pretty clear. Moving on, yes its an uplifting feeling knowing you are the creator of your own life, you have choices to make and at the end of the day you will feel good knowing you made the decision for yourself. You only crib and cry about something which is not in your hands right? So if you go by this take control for the best possible outcome, you can never actually feel sad about being let down by your circumstances because in your heart of hearts you feel responsible and owe it to the choice you made.
So why am i stating the obvious? Maybe ive had a moment one of those times when you know whats right and yet you do not have anything around you which makes you believe in it. But then something happened, it could be as simple as waking up in the morning and looking outside the window with the sun beaming and suddenly everything makes sense to you. Or it could be someone saying what you already knew but hearing it from them somehow makes more sense at that very moment and your faith in it is restored. Its about being sure and having faith in your own beliefs and thoughts, beliefs which you know exist deep down there but need a little reassuring here and there. The sun the sea the wind blowing in your hair or the chains of smoke you carefully watch swirl around as you breathe out contain such power. The power to make you realize what is inside you and when everything around you makes complete sense for that given moment. You and I have that power. Have a little faith, the universe is looking out for you, to create your own reasons :)
Thursday, January 21, 2010
....
I don’t understand how I got here. I don’t even understand the whole process which turned me into this. Yes there is someone out there screaming his lungs out saying “I love you” and I look at him with disbelief. Aren’t these three words what make us live life? Or at least used to. No I am not afraid to be happy or love and be loved in return. This is what we live for; this is the moment we all wait for. And yet when the moment comes knocking at our door, we turn away doubting it, suspecting it to be one of the many games the universe plays with us. We wait and wait for something to happen which will prove our doubts correct only to find in the end, they were wrong. We waste our time doubting doubts instead of living the chance life is giving to us right now at this very moment. I don’t know the reason which created this wall in front of me, I feel like I am turning into my worst nightmare and it is not a good feeling.
Why is it so hard for me to trust my instincts and beliefs? Why do I doubt my own certainty? I’ve lived so long for this moment to love and be loved in return and it’s out there screaming, claiming its hold and the only thing I am doing is holding back.
Why is it so hard for me to trust my instincts and beliefs? Why do I doubt my own certainty? I’ve lived so long for this moment to love and be loved in return and it’s out there screaming, claiming its hold and the only thing I am doing is holding back.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Living in Fear or Certainty?
“People haven't stopped wanting to be in love, they just don't believe in a happy ending anymore. They still believe in love and falling in love, but they know now that...romances almost never end as well as they begin" - Shantaram
Why is it so hard for a human mind to stop delving into its past and start living in the present? Certain things happen to us so that we can learn and grow from them. Yes we do learn, we do grow, but at the back of our mind we also tend to create a certain mind block which keeps going back and forth and cautions us and keeps reminding us of what had happened and if we're not careful this time, we may as well go back in time and relive those not so very happy moments and lessons again. It isn't a very pretty sight to be living in.
Back to love and romance. So yes we all almost have been hurt at least once (or more) in our lives when it comes to loving someone. Either you were cheated on, betrayed or things could not work out for whatever reasons. Yea yea whatever happens is for the best...but do you honestly think about that when it is actually happening to you in that very moment? How do you find the best in the worst situation? You don't. I am a part believer of fate and a firm believer of make your own destiny. Becuase if you do want something to work out, you will make it happen. But sometimes what you want is not what your loved one would want, hence the clash. And no matter how much we get over it or however long back that happened, these are memories and lessons which never leave us and continue to haunt us in all our present relationships, ones which are being formed and the ones which will in the future.
No two people are alike - I used to find myself often saying. But why have I become a victim of constant comparison between my present and my past? Just like two people, no two moments are alike - this is your present and that was your past. It was your past for a reason. Your present is a moment to live in right now for a reason as well. A moment you only dreamt about. You cannot come to terms with the fact that it is actually happening to you, hence you cannot deal with it and make up every excuse to doubt it. It does not come with an instruction manual - life does not. Fate gives you a chance and you have to create life out of it. Otherwise the moment will pass by. It comes as a test of time and faith and to put into action all your thoughts of how you believed it could be.
Trust yourself and believe in yourself. It is far more important than trusting someone else first. It is about your capability to be able to give into something and someone which could turn out to be the most beautiful time of your life. Having certainty in oneself and not looking for it in the other.
Why is it so hard for a human mind to stop delving into its past and start living in the present? Certain things happen to us so that we can learn and grow from them. Yes we do learn, we do grow, but at the back of our mind we also tend to create a certain mind block which keeps going back and forth and cautions us and keeps reminding us of what had happened and if we're not careful this time, we may as well go back in time and relive those not so very happy moments and lessons again. It isn't a very pretty sight to be living in.
Back to love and romance. So yes we all almost have been hurt at least once (or more) in our lives when it comes to loving someone. Either you were cheated on, betrayed or things could not work out for whatever reasons. Yea yea whatever happens is for the best...but do you honestly think about that when it is actually happening to you in that very moment? How do you find the best in the worst situation? You don't. I am a part believer of fate and a firm believer of make your own destiny. Becuase if you do want something to work out, you will make it happen. But sometimes what you want is not what your loved one would want, hence the clash. And no matter how much we get over it or however long back that happened, these are memories and lessons which never leave us and continue to haunt us in all our present relationships, ones which are being formed and the ones which will in the future.
No two people are alike - I used to find myself often saying. But why have I become a victim of constant comparison between my present and my past? Just like two people, no two moments are alike - this is your present and that was your past. It was your past for a reason. Your present is a moment to live in right now for a reason as well. A moment you only dreamt about. You cannot come to terms with the fact that it is actually happening to you, hence you cannot deal with it and make up every excuse to doubt it. It does not come with an instruction manual - life does not. Fate gives you a chance and you have to create life out of it. Otherwise the moment will pass by. It comes as a test of time and faith and to put into action all your thoughts of how you believed it could be.
Trust yourself and believe in yourself. It is far more important than trusting someone else first. It is about your capability to be able to give into something and someone which could turn out to be the most beautiful time of your life. Having certainty in oneself and not looking for it in the other.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Test of time?
Time is a test of faith and faith is a test of survival. Subconsciously so many of us know this deep deep inside of us, yet we wander away by the little trial and tribulations life brings in front of us. It is a debate i am struggling with myself and my inner self off late. I don't know if doing soul searching is a good thing or not but it almost always puts me in this sort of a dilemma of the present world survival and the future of forgiveness. As much as id like to believe in all what great saints have to say, so often we are faced with such choices in which we have to be selfish and unforgiving. And i guess if we were all forgiving and selfless we wouldn't really be here on earth in the first place, paying tribute to our sins and bearing the fruit of our karma past and present would we?
I want to be forgiving, i want to forget, yet how often are we faced with a question of self respect which somewhat borders on the line of egotism. It is a fine line which we have to draw for ourselves and no one else can say or do anythign about it. I've heard people say overcome a situation/circumstance and do not let the situation overcome you, but get real when you actually face shit in your face would you really care about becoming a change/overcoming or would you rather not first think about what YOU want to do at that very moment (revenge is the first word that comes to my mind). I also have to say I was not always like this, a self proclaimed positivist, who often gets swayed by the negativity around her would be a few words to describe me. I don't think constantly thinking about something and blowing a situation out of proportion is the key to solving any problem, but I have a solution which like me is pretty straight forward, its called say it or talk about it. I often find myself pining for this from others as well, because i can't beat around the bush i expect them not to do so either. But then again ive got caught in the web of expectations haven't i? This is also a form of subtle attachement to people, emotions and beings. But what do we do? Like I said earlier if we were all god we wouldn't really be here on earth in the first place rather be dwelling somewhere in heaven or jannat or whatever they call that place of eternal bliss. free of karmic crap which we have weaved for ourselves. I only seek to find certain answers to everyday questions, questions which come and stand in front of me everyday. I feel like a 4 year old child who wants to know the answer to every damn phenomena in this world. My questions are innocent, but the answers complicated which is why it is taking me so long to figure them out, ponder over them, seek them.
I want to find my eutopia
I want to be forgiving, i want to forget, yet how often are we faced with a question of self respect which somewhat borders on the line of egotism. It is a fine line which we have to draw for ourselves and no one else can say or do anythign about it. I've heard people say overcome a situation/circumstance and do not let the situation overcome you, but get real when you actually face shit in your face would you really care about becoming a change/overcoming or would you rather not first think about what YOU want to do at that very moment (revenge is the first word that comes to my mind). I also have to say I was not always like this, a self proclaimed positivist, who often gets swayed by the negativity around her would be a few words to describe me. I don't think constantly thinking about something and blowing a situation out of proportion is the key to solving any problem, but I have a solution which like me is pretty straight forward, its called say it or talk about it. I often find myself pining for this from others as well, because i can't beat around the bush i expect them not to do so either. But then again ive got caught in the web of expectations haven't i? This is also a form of subtle attachement to people, emotions and beings. But what do we do? Like I said earlier if we were all god we wouldn't really be here on earth in the first place rather be dwelling somewhere in heaven or jannat or whatever they call that place of eternal bliss. free of karmic crap which we have weaved for ourselves. I only seek to find certain answers to everyday questions, questions which come and stand in front of me everyday. I feel like a 4 year old child who wants to know the answer to every damn phenomena in this world. My questions are innocent, but the answers complicated which is why it is taking me so long to figure them out, ponder over them, seek them.
I want to find my eutopia
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Love? or not
I don't believe in LOVE. I believe its a fancy word which is often just misunderstood for a lot of other things, and even more often the sanctity of the emotion behind the word is just abused.
And yet i don't believe in love. I believe its a state of mind ( I will elaborate on this in my next post)
However I believe in respect. And I believe in relationships, sustaining them. If you see around yourself not all relationships are based on 'love' or whatever that feeling is. And the only way you can be around someone or value your relationship with them is if you have respect for them - the degree of which may vary. (Btw those of you who disagree and believe there are relationships without respect, this topic is not for the likes of two faced human beings out there :p) You don't necessarily love all your family, extended ones, friends, acquintances but you continue to live with them, be around them.
So there is respect and fondness in this world which in my belief if multiplied by 100 with some percentage of attraction constitutes 'love' - between men and woman or man and man or woman n woman (I have to be politically correct here)
As I said I belive love is merely a state of mind, which can easily fizzle out one fine day. But what is more important in life is respect, fondness and relationships and valuing them. Life is short keep people who you value, chuck out the ones who cause you much grief :)
And yet i don't believe in love. I believe its a state of mind ( I will elaborate on this in my next post)
However I believe in respect. And I believe in relationships, sustaining them. If you see around yourself not all relationships are based on 'love' or whatever that feeling is. And the only way you can be around someone or value your relationship with them is if you have respect for them - the degree of which may vary. (Btw those of you who disagree and believe there are relationships without respect, this topic is not for the likes of two faced human beings out there :p) You don't necessarily love all your family, extended ones, friends, acquintances but you continue to live with them, be around them.
So there is respect and fondness in this world which in my belief if multiplied by 100 with some percentage of attraction constitutes 'love' - between men and woman or man and man or woman n woman (I have to be politically correct here)
As I said I belive love is merely a state of mind, which can easily fizzle out one fine day. But what is more important in life is respect, fondness and relationships and valuing them. Life is short keep people who you value, chuck out the ones who cause you much grief :)
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