Be careful what you wish for...

Suddenly everything seems perfect. I could not ask for more, behind every doing is a reason and I think I've already found mine. I am surprised at how soon I got the answer to the question I was looking for. But then I don't think this time I was really looking for an answer - And yet I found it as soon as I did.

So maybe its because the universe wanted to pull me back to my dream. I was losing track of what I really wanted from life. I was giving into someone else's dream. It was not my dream to live and I knew that since the beginning. A friend of mine told me to mourn because she thought I wasn't going through the process as it should be. And I did. I mourned but only for a day. I cried 5 months in 2 hours. And felt everything moving inside of me. The hardest part was trying to forget the good stuff. Because this time I had more of good than the bad. But what I learnt in those 2 hours of solitary mourning was 5 months of a person in and out. What I already knew surfaced itself to my realization. This was not my dream to live. This was not my person to be with. This was someone whose prescence gave me immense happiness but since the very beginning created a doubt of my dream in my being. The universe plays silly childish games with you. It laughs at you because it knows exactly what you are feeling on the inside but are just afraid to show it.

I had a dream in which I was standing against an entire Universe every planet, galaxy, star was present there -. I can't put a name to it because for me its something completely unfathomable. And every sentence used to describe it would be a mere understatement. These objects can read your mind without you ever even realizing it. They can somehow anticipate every move you wish to make before you even think about it. They work so quick that they anticipate and process your demands at the same time working with multitudes of energies around the world through time and space. They have the power to process your every thought and nothing is impossible for them. They work with only one goal which is to give you what you ever wished for or what you will wish for in the future. They defy time as you know it.

In my dream they already knew what I was feeling. They told me they gave me what I had wished for years ago. What I had wished and wondered 'would be like', they granted my wish for my sake because I asked for it not necessarily knowing if it was good or bad for me (we never know that). But they made it happen.

They had already worked on what I dream of and whats truly mine.


Life as we know it is pretty simple, you just have to wish for it to try it.

All good things come to an end...

Its true...I often tried not to think of this line but its funny when reality comes and slaps you in the face.

I don't really know how I feel at the moment...Its more like 'Same !"£$ different person' for me from now on.

Should I regret the moments we made? Should I regret the fact that I did not listen to my intuition and gave in much too soon? That I finally thought I could be happy and content with someone? That all those stereotypes I had built up for myself and against relationships were all out to prove me wrong? I was happy, smiling, laughing, enjoying? Is too much happiness a bad thing? Too much optimism blinds us from seeing what is real or what could be avoided.

Its too late now, but subconsiously I always sort of predicted this so I should not really mourn about this, considering somewhere deep down I always prepared for this to happen, lets face it love and me don't go together.

We have a sort of a love and hate relationship in which hate seems to dominate. I did not need to learn another lesson to prove my own theories right. But I did. I feel helpess with a lack of control over my own life which is really pathetic for a 24 yr old to say. I don't want to consume my heart with hate again but my mind does not seem to listen. Its too late already...