I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate what I'm turning into. I wake up everyday feeling what the hell am I doing here? My relationship with my sister is on the verge of going completely downhill and I don't think I am interested in reviving it back because I can't fight against two people anymore. I'm losing hair and its affecting me in a very big way. I don't feel like going out, I don't feel like doing anything. At 25 I don't need this. Why did I choose this? And why did I become a victim of someone else's circumstances? This is not how I live my life, I live (or lived) my life like everyday is its last because life is too short.But it seems never ending right now. Did I mention I hate my job and I hate the fact I have to be thankful to someone for having giving it to me because I didn't get it on my own. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling of being dominated and grateful because you have to and not because you want to.
Should I go back? My mum for the first time in her life mentioned she is alone and she misses me and wants me to find a partner back home so that I can go back and be near them. I miss her so much that I cannot put it down in words about how I feel about her. A sibling or a friend or a cousin can never replace what your mum can provide to you.
I have the worlds best boyfriend in the world, who is being dragged into this blackhole with me, because I don't know what the hell happened to me along the way. I have friends who care about me, care about me so much so when my sister went through loss, they came and supported me. They didn't have to.
I think too much, I care far too much, I cry too much.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Twilight Eclipse - Jessica's graduation speech
The second best speech after Brook's speech in One Tree Hill when she campaigns for student body president.
Jessica's speech -
“When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our things were answers like astronaut, president, or in my case, princess… When we were ten, they asked us again. We answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist… But now that we’ve grown up, they want a more serious answer. Well, how about this… Who the hell knows? This isn’t a time to make hard and fast decisions. This is the time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love - a lot. Major in philosophy because there’s no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again because nothing is permanent. So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… We won’t have to guess. We’ll know.”
Brooke Davis's speech from One Tree Hill - 213 - THE HERO DIES IN THIS ONE
I guess it’s easier to see what we want, than to look for the truth. You think you know me but you don’t. And that means you don’t know what I can do. You see me as someone who’s popular and has all the answers. That’s not true. I may not always know what I’m doing but I’ll try make things better. And when I make a mistake because face it, we all do I promise I’ll ask for your help. I can’t do this alone But if you’ll take a chance on me, we can do great things together. I promise, if you believe in me, I’ll find the courage to reach for your every dream. John F. Kennedy said the courage of life is a magnificent mixture triumph and tragedy. A man does what he must, in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures and that is the basis of all morality.
Jessica's speech -
“When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our things were answers like astronaut, president, or in my case, princess… When we were ten, they asked us again. We answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist… But now that we’ve grown up, they want a more serious answer. Well, how about this… Who the hell knows? This isn’t a time to make hard and fast decisions. This is the time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love - a lot. Major in philosophy because there’s no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again because nothing is permanent. So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… We won’t have to guess. We’ll know.”
Brooke Davis's speech from One Tree Hill - 213 - THE HERO DIES IN THIS ONE
I guess it’s easier to see what we want, than to look for the truth. You think you know me but you don’t. And that means you don’t know what I can do. You see me as someone who’s popular and has all the answers. That’s not true. I may not always know what I’m doing but I’ll try make things better. And when I make a mistake because face it, we all do I promise I’ll ask for your help. I can’t do this alone But if you’ll take a chance on me, we can do great things together. I promise, if you believe in me, I’ll find the courage to reach for your every dream. John F. Kennedy said the courage of life is a magnificent mixture triumph and tragedy. A man does what he must, in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures and that is the basis of all morality.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Be careful what you wish for...
Suddenly everything seems perfect. I could not ask for more, behind every doing is a reason and I think I've already found mine. I am surprised at how soon I got the answer to the question I was looking for. But then I don't think this time I was really looking for an answer - And yet I found it as soon as I did.
So maybe its because the universe wanted to pull me back to my dream. I was losing track of what I really wanted from life. I was giving into someone else's dream. It was not my dream to live and I knew that since the beginning. A friend of mine told me to mourn because she thought I wasn't going through the process as it should be. And I did. I mourned but only for a day. I cried 5 months in 2 hours. And felt everything moving inside of me. The hardest part was trying to forget the good stuff. Because this time I had more of good than the bad. But what I learnt in those 2 hours of solitary mourning was 5 months of a person in and out. What I already knew surfaced itself to my realization. This was not my dream to live. This was not my person to be with. This was someone whose prescence gave me immense happiness but since the very beginning created a doubt of my dream in my being. The universe plays silly childish games with you. It laughs at you because it knows exactly what you are feeling on the inside but are just afraid to show it.
I had a dream in which I was standing against an entire Universe every planet, galaxy, star was present there -. I can't put a name to it because for me its something completely unfathomable. And every sentence used to describe it would be a mere understatement. These objects can read your mind without you ever even realizing it. They can somehow anticipate every move you wish to make before you even think about it. They work so quick that they anticipate and process your demands at the same time working with multitudes of energies around the world through time and space. They have the power to process your every thought and nothing is impossible for them. They work with only one goal which is to give you what you ever wished for or what you will wish for in the future. They defy time as you know it.
In my dream they already knew what I was feeling. They told me they gave me what I had wished for years ago. What I had wished and wondered 'would be like', they granted my wish for my sake because I asked for it not necessarily knowing if it was good or bad for me (we never know that). But they made it happen.
They had already worked on what I dream of and whats truly mine.
Life as we know it is pretty simple, you just have to wish for it to try it.
So maybe its because the universe wanted to pull me back to my dream. I was losing track of what I really wanted from life. I was giving into someone else's dream. It was not my dream to live and I knew that since the beginning. A friend of mine told me to mourn because she thought I wasn't going through the process as it should be. And I did. I mourned but only for a day. I cried 5 months in 2 hours. And felt everything moving inside of me. The hardest part was trying to forget the good stuff. Because this time I had more of good than the bad. But what I learnt in those 2 hours of solitary mourning was 5 months of a person in and out. What I already knew surfaced itself to my realization. This was not my dream to live. This was not my person to be with. This was someone whose prescence gave me immense happiness but since the very beginning created a doubt of my dream in my being. The universe plays silly childish games with you. It laughs at you because it knows exactly what you are feeling on the inside but are just afraid to show it.
I had a dream in which I was standing against an entire Universe every planet, galaxy, star was present there -. I can't put a name to it because for me its something completely unfathomable. And every sentence used to describe it would be a mere understatement. These objects can read your mind without you ever even realizing it. They can somehow anticipate every move you wish to make before you even think about it. They work so quick that they anticipate and process your demands at the same time working with multitudes of energies around the world through time and space. They have the power to process your every thought and nothing is impossible for them. They work with only one goal which is to give you what you ever wished for or what you will wish for in the future. They defy time as you know it.
In my dream they already knew what I was feeling. They told me they gave me what I had wished for years ago. What I had wished and wondered 'would be like', they granted my wish for my sake because I asked for it not necessarily knowing if it was good or bad for me (we never know that). But they made it happen.
They had already worked on what I dream of and whats truly mine.
Life as we know it is pretty simple, you just have to wish for it to try it.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
All good things come to an end...
Its true...I often tried not to think of this line but its funny when reality comes and slaps you in the face.
I don't really know how I feel at the moment...Its more like 'Same !"£$ different person' for me from now on.
Should I regret the moments we made? Should I regret the fact that I did not listen to my intuition and gave in much too soon? That I finally thought I could be happy and content with someone? That all those stereotypes I had built up for myself and against relationships were all out to prove me wrong? I was happy, smiling, laughing, enjoying? Is too much happiness a bad thing? Too much optimism blinds us from seeing what is real or what could be avoided.
Its too late now, but subconsiously I always sort of predicted this so I should not really mourn about this, considering somewhere deep down I always prepared for this to happen, lets face it love and me don't go together.
We have a sort of a love and hate relationship in which hate seems to dominate. I did not need to learn another lesson to prove my own theories right. But I did. I feel helpess with a lack of control over my own life which is really pathetic for a 24 yr old to say. I don't want to consume my heart with hate again but my mind does not seem to listen. Its too late already...
I don't really know how I feel at the moment...Its more like 'Same !"£$ different person' for me from now on.
Should I regret the moments we made? Should I regret the fact that I did not listen to my intuition and gave in much too soon? That I finally thought I could be happy and content with someone? That all those stereotypes I had built up for myself and against relationships were all out to prove me wrong? I was happy, smiling, laughing, enjoying? Is too much happiness a bad thing? Too much optimism blinds us from seeing what is real or what could be avoided.
Its too late now, but subconsiously I always sort of predicted this so I should not really mourn about this, considering somewhere deep down I always prepared for this to happen, lets face it love and me don't go together.
We have a sort of a love and hate relationship in which hate seems to dominate. I did not need to learn another lesson to prove my own theories right. But I did. I feel helpess with a lack of control over my own life which is really pathetic for a 24 yr old to say. I don't want to consume my heart with hate again but my mind does not seem to listen. Its too late already...
Friday, March 19, 2010
Singledom - state of mind?
Singledom vs Coupledom. I often wonder what defines individuals as 'a couple'. Not a very frequent visitor of this expedition, I suffer (yes i mean SUFFER because that's how it ends up being always) from a lack of comprehension and a utter case of turning into a psychopath and my worst nightmare come true.
I've never worked well in this situation, it encompasses a complete 360 shift in my being and from what i 'normally' envision of myself. I don't understand emotions, well that's because most of time I never really need them hence do not understand their use. And being with another person, who you think you're attached to, attracted to, have feelings for, it in inevitable that they tend to crop up here and there. And crop up a bit too much id say. The explanation for which I've stated already.
I can be your best friend, make close to perfect choices for my life, be independent, individualistic, free spirited, ambitious, fun when I'm all by myself.
I do not understand the need for being together, because i still have not understood what togetherness stands for. I don't want to lose out on who I am and yet failing everytime I've quite mastered the art of doing so. And that's why when a third person sees me they cannot imagine me being one of those psycho paths that I turn into , in a relationship, but I do. I do not understand the cat and mouse chase, the emotions, feelings, logic when it comes to picking these in a given scenario which involves a second person, first being you of course. And most of all I don't understand the word 'compromise' and 'adjust' because it is my life and I wish rather demand to live it the way I want to without having to please anyone at the risk of losing yourself or 'sacrificing' as they call it.
It obviously comes from a feeling of being in control, which always leaves me completely helpless with another involved. The part of being physical with emotions and all that jazz just never made sense or took enough priority in my life. I can safely say been there done that and I don't find an incessant need for that because I can quite comfortably live without it, without having a relationship to hold for all those needs.
So I can safely say, I always enjoyed and favoured who I am without anyone because I truly love my life and everyone around me without needing someone to need me.
I've never worked well in this situation, it encompasses a complete 360 shift in my being and from what i 'normally' envision of myself. I don't understand emotions, well that's because most of time I never really need them hence do not understand their use. And being with another person, who you think you're attached to, attracted to, have feelings for, it in inevitable that they tend to crop up here and there. And crop up a bit too much id say. The explanation for which I've stated already.
I can be your best friend, make close to perfect choices for my life, be independent, individualistic, free spirited, ambitious, fun when I'm all by myself.
I do not understand the need for being together, because i still have not understood what togetherness stands for. I don't want to lose out on who I am and yet failing everytime I've quite mastered the art of doing so. And that's why when a third person sees me they cannot imagine me being one of those psycho paths that I turn into , in a relationship, but I do. I do not understand the cat and mouse chase, the emotions, feelings, logic when it comes to picking these in a given scenario which involves a second person, first being you of course. And most of all I don't understand the word 'compromise' and 'adjust' because it is my life and I wish rather demand to live it the way I want to without having to please anyone at the risk of losing yourself or 'sacrificing' as they call it.
It obviously comes from a feeling of being in control, which always leaves me completely helpless with another involved. The part of being physical with emotions and all that jazz just never made sense or took enough priority in my life. I can safely say been there done that and I don't find an incessant need for that because I can quite comfortably live without it, without having a relationship to hold for all those needs.
So I can safely say, I always enjoyed and favoured who I am without anyone because I truly love my life and everyone around me without needing someone to need me.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Gratitude
It is so easy to get caught in the web of life or circumstances,routine our life and being utterly and completely selfish. How often do we actually look back and thank life and the people who came along the way and contributed in their own way into making us what we are today? How easy is it for us to be ungrateful of what life brings to us rather than thanking everyone who is etched into our very own being and soul of the person that we are right now at this very moment. My state of mind right now? - Happy and Thankful to these people without who i would not be who i am today.
My sister - for opening up a world of knowledge to me, sharing and believing that I too had the potential despite the generation gap we hold and never easily giving up on me with the excuse of me being immature. My father - for making me believe in my individuality and that I had the potential to realize every dream i dreamt and constantly supporting me in helping me make all my dreams come true. My mother - for never judging me by the company I held and placing a blinding trust in me. Never ever giving up on me despite my shortcomings and being the greatest support without being ashamed of the mistakes her daughter made.
My best friend for showing me how to live life and enjoy every moment and to value friendships and relationships. For being by my side, being the guy in my life when I needed one and making me realize life is too short to be anything but happy.Oh and opening up a whole world of illegal and immoral things to me and savouring the goodness they contain ;)
My oldest childhood buddy - for listening to me through my constant moments of pmsing, being my partner in crime, making me realize my own potential I had as a human being. And for being utterly patient. For laughing with me without anyone else around us understanding a word of our conversation, whiling away time, sitting next to me without uttering a word and making me feel completely understood in those moments of silence.
My sister - for opening up a world of knowledge to me, sharing and believing that I too had the potential despite the generation gap we hold and never easily giving up on me with the excuse of me being immature. My father - for making me believe in my individuality and that I had the potential to realize every dream i dreamt and constantly supporting me in helping me make all my dreams come true. My mother - for never judging me by the company I held and placing a blinding trust in me. Never ever giving up on me despite my shortcomings and being the greatest support without being ashamed of the mistakes her daughter made.
My best friend for showing me how to live life and enjoy every moment and to value friendships and relationships. For being by my side, being the guy in my life when I needed one and making me realize life is too short to be anything but happy.Oh and opening up a whole world of illegal and immoral things to me and savouring the goodness they contain ;)
My oldest childhood buddy - for listening to me through my constant moments of pmsing, being my partner in crime, making me realize my own potential I had as a human being. And for being utterly patient. For laughing with me without anyone else around us understanding a word of our conversation, whiling away time, sitting next to me without uttering a word and making me feel completely understood in those moments of silence.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Forever is a paradox
Forever is a concept of NOW, the very present moment.
Forver is 'a moment of eternity' - Ironic? yes.
Forever is not measured by the promise of the future it swears to live by or the extra number of seconds, hours, weeks, months or years it consists of. It is because so very often we experience 'forever' in just a split second. The feeling of forever is contained in that powerful moment which makes you believe you are capable of just about anything and the world is yours to conqueor. It is ironic - how a word that talks about spanning over a vast frame of time only lasts for as long as you make it.
Like they say nothing lasts forever!
Forver is 'a moment of eternity' - Ironic? yes.
Forever is not measured by the promise of the future it swears to live by or the extra number of seconds, hours, weeks, months or years it consists of. It is because so very often we experience 'forever' in just a split second. The feeling of forever is contained in that powerful moment which makes you believe you are capable of just about anything and the world is yours to conqueor. It is ironic - how a word that talks about spanning over a vast frame of time only lasts for as long as you make it.
Like they say nothing lasts forever!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
No 'right' or 'wrong'
I've been pondering over this for quite sometime. Its funny how a state of being in drunken/stoned stupor gets your mind thinking and sometimes even leads to making some very profound life changing decisions.
Why were these two words actually invented? So that we continue to justify our own doings against the others? Is it a mode of human defence mechanism, egotism or simply excuses we make when we do not have any answers? How easy is it for us and others to compartmentalize everything into 'right' and 'wrong' based solely on our individual perceptions. The human mind can travel as far as you let it, yet we try and control everything that is contained within and limit ourselves from actually experiencing what it is capable of. Jumping to conclusions based on our own assumptions is far easier than actually viewing everything from a detached perspective. Judging someone is far easier than giving them the benefit of doubt. Its not about values/morals against the right and wrong, because clearly how do you even define those? Everythig is pretty individualistic around us yet we always blind ourselves and continue to bask in our own ignorance pretending and pacifying our egos that we do know the 'best'.
Why is it so difficult for us to separate our reality from the others or even realize there is no such thing as 'REALITY' and everything is indeed what we create in our own mind. If we actually go by this, there is no need to define anything because it all boils down to one thing, which is we make our own definations and live by them.
Why were these two words actually invented? So that we continue to justify our own doings against the others? Is it a mode of human defence mechanism, egotism or simply excuses we make when we do not have any answers? How easy is it for us and others to compartmentalize everything into 'right' and 'wrong' based solely on our individual perceptions. The human mind can travel as far as you let it, yet we try and control everything that is contained within and limit ourselves from actually experiencing what it is capable of. Jumping to conclusions based on our own assumptions is far easier than actually viewing everything from a detached perspective. Judging someone is far easier than giving them the benefit of doubt. Its not about values/morals against the right and wrong, because clearly how do you even define those? Everythig is pretty individualistic around us yet we always blind ourselves and continue to bask in our own ignorance pretending and pacifying our egos that we do know the 'best'.
Why is it so difficult for us to separate our reality from the others or even realize there is no such thing as 'REALITY' and everything is indeed what we create in our own mind. If we actually go by this, there is no need to define anything because it all boils down to one thing, which is we make our own definations and live by them.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Cranky,moody,irritable and its not even that day of the month
No its not...I wish i could put my finger on what it is and then retrack every step i took to get here and quickly erase everything so that i dont end up feeling how i am right now.
Its funny how last week went by - romance i devoured myself in, making myself believe at least this would last. Or not?
I hate how i feel right now, i hate everything around me including myself because i am mad at myself for getting here. Mad at myself for being such a child believing in what everyone else said around me, letting it get to me and for a moment believing maybe it could be different.
But its not, its the same story everytime, they run after you, you run away, then you get close and run after them and they run away. I knew everything in that head of mine yet i shut myself to everything and let life take its control over me. This is exactly what happens when you let go, you lose yourself and you do not know to what.
I want my answers and I demand them.
Its funny how last week went by - romance i devoured myself in, making myself believe at least this would last. Or not?
I hate how i feel right now, i hate everything around me including myself because i am mad at myself for getting here. Mad at myself for being such a child believing in what everyone else said around me, letting it get to me and for a moment believing maybe it could be different.
But its not, its the same story everytime, they run after you, you run away, then you get close and run after them and they run away. I knew everything in that head of mine yet i shut myself to everything and let life take its control over me. This is exactly what happens when you let go, you lose yourself and you do not know to what.
I want my answers and I demand them.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Everything does not happen for a reason, we make our own reasons
It feels like a heavy weight has been shifted from your shoulders, when you stop giving and blaming things on destiny and take charge of your own circumstances and life. So far i have just been harping about how fate gives you a chance to create life bla bla but i think it is right now at this very moment when i actually can say, i believe in it. And its a pretty pleasant feeling than having to depend on fate all the time. We were not given a free thinking mind for no reason so when the time comes to make a decision about your very own life you run away casually bury your head in the ground and pray for the right thing or whatever to happen.
The very reason your mind exists is for you to make the right decision or choice. I think i made myself pretty clear. Moving on, yes its an uplifting feeling knowing you are the creator of your own life, you have choices to make and at the end of the day you will feel good knowing you made the decision for yourself. You only crib and cry about something which is not in your hands right? So if you go by this take control for the best possible outcome, you can never actually feel sad about being let down by your circumstances because in your heart of hearts you feel responsible and owe it to the choice you made.
So why am i stating the obvious? Maybe ive had a moment one of those times when you know whats right and yet you do not have anything around you which makes you believe in it. But then something happened, it could be as simple as waking up in the morning and looking outside the window with the sun beaming and suddenly everything makes sense to you. Or it could be someone saying what you already knew but hearing it from them somehow makes more sense at that very moment and your faith in it is restored. Its about being sure and having faith in your own beliefs and thoughts, beliefs which you know exist deep down there but need a little reassuring here and there. The sun the sea the wind blowing in your hair or the chains of smoke you carefully watch swirl around as you breathe out contain such power. The power to make you realize what is inside you and when everything around you makes complete sense for that given moment. You and I have that power. Have a little faith, the universe is looking out for you, to create your own reasons :)
The very reason your mind exists is for you to make the right decision or choice. I think i made myself pretty clear. Moving on, yes its an uplifting feeling knowing you are the creator of your own life, you have choices to make and at the end of the day you will feel good knowing you made the decision for yourself. You only crib and cry about something which is not in your hands right? So if you go by this take control for the best possible outcome, you can never actually feel sad about being let down by your circumstances because in your heart of hearts you feel responsible and owe it to the choice you made.
So why am i stating the obvious? Maybe ive had a moment one of those times when you know whats right and yet you do not have anything around you which makes you believe in it. But then something happened, it could be as simple as waking up in the morning and looking outside the window with the sun beaming and suddenly everything makes sense to you. Or it could be someone saying what you already knew but hearing it from them somehow makes more sense at that very moment and your faith in it is restored. Its about being sure and having faith in your own beliefs and thoughts, beliefs which you know exist deep down there but need a little reassuring here and there. The sun the sea the wind blowing in your hair or the chains of smoke you carefully watch swirl around as you breathe out contain such power. The power to make you realize what is inside you and when everything around you makes complete sense for that given moment. You and I have that power. Have a little faith, the universe is looking out for you, to create your own reasons :)
Thursday, January 21, 2010
....
I don’t understand how I got here. I don’t even understand the whole process which turned me into this. Yes there is someone out there screaming his lungs out saying “I love you” and I look at him with disbelief. Aren’t these three words what make us live life? Or at least used to. No I am not afraid to be happy or love and be loved in return. This is what we live for; this is the moment we all wait for. And yet when the moment comes knocking at our door, we turn away doubting it, suspecting it to be one of the many games the universe plays with us. We wait and wait for something to happen which will prove our doubts correct only to find in the end, they were wrong. We waste our time doubting doubts instead of living the chance life is giving to us right now at this very moment. I don’t know the reason which created this wall in front of me, I feel like I am turning into my worst nightmare and it is not a good feeling.
Why is it so hard for me to trust my instincts and beliefs? Why do I doubt my own certainty? I’ve lived so long for this moment to love and be loved in return and it’s out there screaming, claiming its hold and the only thing I am doing is holding back.
Why is it so hard for me to trust my instincts and beliefs? Why do I doubt my own certainty? I’ve lived so long for this moment to love and be loved in return and it’s out there screaming, claiming its hold and the only thing I am doing is holding back.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Living in Fear or Certainty?
“People haven't stopped wanting to be in love, they just don't believe in a happy ending anymore. They still believe in love and falling in love, but they know now that...romances almost never end as well as they begin" - Shantaram
Why is it so hard for a human mind to stop delving into its past and start living in the present? Certain things happen to us so that we can learn and grow from them. Yes we do learn, we do grow, but at the back of our mind we also tend to create a certain mind block which keeps going back and forth and cautions us and keeps reminding us of what had happened and if we're not careful this time, we may as well go back in time and relive those not so very happy moments and lessons again. It isn't a very pretty sight to be living in.
Back to love and romance. So yes we all almost have been hurt at least once (or more) in our lives when it comes to loving someone. Either you were cheated on, betrayed or things could not work out for whatever reasons. Yea yea whatever happens is for the best...but do you honestly think about that when it is actually happening to you in that very moment? How do you find the best in the worst situation? You don't. I am a part believer of fate and a firm believer of make your own destiny. Becuase if you do want something to work out, you will make it happen. But sometimes what you want is not what your loved one would want, hence the clash. And no matter how much we get over it or however long back that happened, these are memories and lessons which never leave us and continue to haunt us in all our present relationships, ones which are being formed and the ones which will in the future.
No two people are alike - I used to find myself often saying. But why have I become a victim of constant comparison between my present and my past? Just like two people, no two moments are alike - this is your present and that was your past. It was your past for a reason. Your present is a moment to live in right now for a reason as well. A moment you only dreamt about. You cannot come to terms with the fact that it is actually happening to you, hence you cannot deal with it and make up every excuse to doubt it. It does not come with an instruction manual - life does not. Fate gives you a chance and you have to create life out of it. Otherwise the moment will pass by. It comes as a test of time and faith and to put into action all your thoughts of how you believed it could be.
Trust yourself and believe in yourself. It is far more important than trusting someone else first. It is about your capability to be able to give into something and someone which could turn out to be the most beautiful time of your life. Having certainty in oneself and not looking for it in the other.
Why is it so hard for a human mind to stop delving into its past and start living in the present? Certain things happen to us so that we can learn and grow from them. Yes we do learn, we do grow, but at the back of our mind we also tend to create a certain mind block which keeps going back and forth and cautions us and keeps reminding us of what had happened and if we're not careful this time, we may as well go back in time and relive those not so very happy moments and lessons again. It isn't a very pretty sight to be living in.
Back to love and romance. So yes we all almost have been hurt at least once (or more) in our lives when it comes to loving someone. Either you were cheated on, betrayed or things could not work out for whatever reasons. Yea yea whatever happens is for the best...but do you honestly think about that when it is actually happening to you in that very moment? How do you find the best in the worst situation? You don't. I am a part believer of fate and a firm believer of make your own destiny. Becuase if you do want something to work out, you will make it happen. But sometimes what you want is not what your loved one would want, hence the clash. And no matter how much we get over it or however long back that happened, these are memories and lessons which never leave us and continue to haunt us in all our present relationships, ones which are being formed and the ones which will in the future.
No two people are alike - I used to find myself often saying. But why have I become a victim of constant comparison between my present and my past? Just like two people, no two moments are alike - this is your present and that was your past. It was your past for a reason. Your present is a moment to live in right now for a reason as well. A moment you only dreamt about. You cannot come to terms with the fact that it is actually happening to you, hence you cannot deal with it and make up every excuse to doubt it. It does not come with an instruction manual - life does not. Fate gives you a chance and you have to create life out of it. Otherwise the moment will pass by. It comes as a test of time and faith and to put into action all your thoughts of how you believed it could be.
Trust yourself and believe in yourself. It is far more important than trusting someone else first. It is about your capability to be able to give into something and someone which could turn out to be the most beautiful time of your life. Having certainty in oneself and not looking for it in the other.
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