When is uphill?

I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate what I'm turning into. I wake up everyday feeling what the hell am I doing here? My relationship with my sister is on the verge of going completely downhill and I don't think I am interested in reviving it back because I can't fight against two people anymore. I'm losing hair and its affecting me in a very big way. I don't feel like going out, I don't feel like doing anything. At 25 I don't need this. Why did I choose this? And why did I become a victim of someone else's circumstances? This is not how I live my life, I live (or lived) my life like everyday is its last because life is too short.But it seems never ending right now. Did I mention I hate my job and I hate the fact I have to be thankful to someone for having giving it to me because I didn't get it on my own. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling of being dominated and grateful because you have to and not because you want to.
Should I go back? My mum for the first time in her life mentioned she is alone and she misses me and wants me to find a partner back home so that I can go back and be near them. I miss her so much that I cannot put it down in words about how I feel about her. A sibling or a friend or a cousin can never replace what your mum can provide to you.

I have the worlds best boyfriend in the world, who is being dragged into this blackhole with me, because I don't know what the hell happened to me along the way. I have friends who care about me, care about me so much so when my sister went through loss, they came and supported me. They didn't have to.

I think too much, I care far too much, I cry too much.